Dedicated to Omar Akhtar and his wonderfully pieced blog "How to Spot a Crazy Woman" on March 9th, 2011
Are you dating a crazy man?
Are you dating a crazy man?
I have not had the luxury to travel that much nor have I had the luxury (or perhaps the charm) to come across many men. But my perception and observations from afar have also gifted me with the ability to spot at a distance with equal precision, and avoid – the Crazy Man.
The Crazy Man is one of nature's second most devastating forces, especially since he leave so much wreck and havoc behind. Most girls spend their time being drawn to, or making excuses for the behavior of the Crazy Man they are dating because they just assume “he’s different ” or “ he’s hot or “he has a tiny but adorable tendency to be a raging b******'. Crazy Men are never, ever crazy to begin with. They are also almost always NEVER hot. The reason why women date the Crazy Man is, yet, unexplained.
I don’t need to use graphs, bar charts and rigorous statistical analysis and found that Crazy Men do in fact exhibit an extremely predictable pattern. Here are my 10 surefire signs to spot and avoid a Crazy Man.
1.He alienates you from all your friends. And loves his.
Its okay to hang out alone with your 'bros' but he surreptitiously and slowly reduces your “girl time”. And if you have friends which are guys- look out! You will end up not speaking to any of them. The Crazy Man avoids hanging out with you and your friends, gets quiet when they call you and indirectly expresses great disapproval you're out with them, he definitely glares when you narrate some awesome anecdote about the last time you were with them and subtly drops hint that he thinks your buddies are tiny little shit pieces. Now, most of us rational women will protest because hey, let's face it, most of our boyfriends have at least a couple of douchebag friends that we don't like. But crazy people are also crazily clever as shown in most scary old English and Indian movies. To alienate you so you are complete dependant on him is his purpose and he will.achieve.it. And you dare even express any disapproval on his social life no matter how bordering scandalous it may be at times- you will be labeled the Crazy Woman. You know what you should do right? You should tell him that you have a problem with this, because open communication is the best thing for any relationship. Umm..doesn’t work. Run while you can.
2. He so can dish it out, but he can't take it
Crazy Men claim they have a great sense of humor. They usually do. That’s one reason you went out with them in the first place. Because face it, it’s a great excuse for lack of being hot. He will also constantly play the “oh my girlfriend is so cool, we can totally make fun of each other” and you will try to retaliate by playfully teasing him about something. It will all be very cute. But the Crazy Man cannot take jokes on himself for long. They do not complement his equally Crazy Ego. One day the Crazy Man will snap.
3. He will blame everything on “mood swings “ or “pms”
The normal man will give himself undue credit for everything and never take responsibility for anything. So when his girlfriend or wife fights with him over something justified he will blame it on pms but nevertheless get the point and make the necessary amends. The Crazy man is a bit extreme. When his girlfriend and/or wife ( the Crazy Man is 75% of the time, also found to be cheater) fights with him over something justified and rational, he will blame it on pms or her normal “mood swings” and never make amends. A normal woman will be stupid enough to think he will change after the first few days of the relationship and with enough love, care and guidance. But she’s Crazy too if she’s still waiting. ……
4. He doesn’t know how to laugh
This is a sure shot sign- the Crazy Man cannot laugh!!!!! Sometimes it will be a feminine squeak or sometimes something so loud you will cringe. But it will make you want to be as far as him as possible.
5. When he wants to “massage you” he leaves bruises.
It's awfully cute when the Crazy Man wants to do something nice for a change and give you a massage. You will usually be too nice to tell him whatever the hell he is doing is hurting like crazy and there is nothing relaxing about it.
6. He will be afraid of your dad
All insincere and bad intention harboring guys will be scared of your dad or big brother right? The Crazy Man is exceptionally scared of your dad. If he starts sweating profusely upon your ancestor’s mention to the point of having epilepsy or makes you walk to his car parked two streets away from your home when he picks you for a date, you know he has crossed the line into the Crazy zone.
7. He is unusuallyyyy close to his mom
Girls actually love their guy’s mothers contrary to the general belief. They sometimes are more fond of them than the guy himself. They also love a guy who loves his mom-shows great family values. But if he sleeps with a picture of her under his pillow and talks about her 24/7, he’s a Crazy Man.
8.They will find a way to be the victim
A normal guy will find a way to make you into the guilty party when he his in trouble. It’s the oldest and easiest trick in the book, you will find yourself apologizing for things you never did. A Crazy Man will actually start believing the stuff he has made up to get out of soup.
9.They will stalk your Facebook page.
No ,not normal stalking to see if their girlfriend is behaving or how there ex-girlfriend is faring without them . They will hack, steal and connive all sorts tot mean to stalk your Facebook page.
10. His ex’s situation
The Crazy Man’s ex will be dead, tragically ill, at her therapist’s office 24/7 or too far away to be located. But thanks to early signs of detection, some may be fine. But still too far away to be located.
